


There Is a Light That Never Goes Out

by iamamiwhoami



Category: Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: Angst, Chaos, Crying, F/F, F/M, Fights, Fluff, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Love, M/M, Post-Reflections, Protective Cheryl Blossom, Protective Toni Topaz, Toni Topaz Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-08
Updated: 2019-04-08
Packaged: 2020-01-07 00:47:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,669
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18399710
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iamamiwhoami/pseuds/iamamiwhoami
Summary: When an unexpected confrontation strikes and tears Toni's perspectives apart, she finds herself sinking into the meaning of what she feels for Cheryl Blossom.





	There Is a Light That Never Goes Out

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! Another little piece of my heart for these precious girls... 
> 
> As I always say, English is not my native language, but I expect the reading to flow easily. I hope you enjoy it. :)
> 
>  
> 
> Inspired by "There is a Light That Never Goes Out", by The Smiths.

 

 

They reorganized at Pop's to sit down together and enjoy a rare day of peace in Riverdale. Not murderers, gargoyles, drugs or gang wars. A moment to enjoy what they really are: Teenagers full of emotions and conflicts trying to live each their own journey in a small city with big problems. All the flavors of milkshakes are laid to the table with fries and delicious burgers piled high. Soft music on the jukebox and the mild spring weather suggest a perfect and uncomplicated day for Toni, Archie, Josie, Veronica, Betty, Jughead, Sweet Pea, Fangs, Kevin and Reggie, all unlikely who, despite all the stumbling, form a strange fellowship.

But Toni says goodbye to Cheryl on the phone after informing her that she's waiting for her at Pop's and, ruining the harmony, Reggie is the one who brings the subject to the table.

"It's better to enjoy the peace while we can. A few minutes, maybe?"

"What are you talking about, Mantle? " Fangs, sitting next to him, shoves a handful of fries into his mouth before asking.

"Come on, guys... " He shrugs. "Cheryl Blossom and 'Peace' just don't match."

"Excuse me? " Toni frowns, defensive, getting ready to get up and beat the shit out of him.

"Hey, calm down, Toni. It's okay. " Archie comforts her. "I bet he didn't mean to insult her. "

Betty tries to save his skin. "I think what Reggie is trying to say is that Cheryl might be a bit... Hard to deal with, Toni."

"You're joking? I'm hard to deal with." Sweet Pea laughs with irony. "That girl is pure living chaos. "

"Guys, what the hell?" Toni can't believe what she's hearing.

"Okay, let's settle down for a minute ..." Veronica manages the possible confrontation. "We're all friends here, right? Toni, you know I adore you, but they're not wrong. Cheryl is... Pretty hard to deal with. "

"We get it, you love your girlfriend. " Jughead interferes, rolling his eyes, biting a generous piece of the hamburger. "But she is no angel. She improved a bit when you two started to dating, but suddenly she ends up making a colossal mess with any of us without a warning. "

"This isn't truth. " Toni denies, confused and threatened.

"Oh, but it is, Toni, come on. " Fangs seems guilty to admit. "Cheryl is a master at causing trouble. "

"Okay, she can be a little hard to deal with, but she's not that bad. " Kevin surprisingly defends the redhead. "She can be nice when she wants to. "

"Guys, I think we had enough." Josie warns, worried about the way Toni's fists clench under the table.

"I agree. " Archie sighs. "Can we enjoy this time together without throwing garbage on each other? We never have the chance. "

"Relax, good-guy-Andrews. " Sweet Pea forces a smile. "We're just pointing out facts. "

"Cheryl is my friend. " Veronica considers. "But now we're on the subject, I've always found it funny how you two got together, Toni. I mean, who am I to question love? But still... "

"It's quite a mistery, actually. " Betty agrees. "It's hard to get close enough to Cheryl to like her, even more so to love her ...

"She's right, Toni. " Fangs nods. "You're way too nice, humble and friendly to fall in love with someone so... Different? "

"Some kind of Romeo and Juliet romantic drama." Jughead provokes. "Except I would kill myself at the first act if I had to deal with someone like Cheryl Blossom. "

"Guys... " Kevin tries to warn when Toni takes a deep breath, rising from her chair.

"I think it makes sense, though. " Reggie realizes. "I mean, living with the Blossom family? Murderer dad, zombie brother, a whore of a mom and a creepy grandma? I would go crazy too. "

"Hey! That’s enough! " Toni strikes the table, the pile of burgers falling over the top.

Silence suddenly consumes them all just in time to hear the convertible parking outside. Toni looks anxiously out the window to see her girl in her red dress, marching elegantly toward the door. When she walks in, before she even throws one of her acid greetings, Toni leaps over the cabin and runs to her.

"Did you miss me that much, mon trésor? " She smiles adorably.

"Can we leave? Please? " Toni hits, breathing deeply.

"Now? " The redhead frowns. "Why? What is wrong, TT? "

"I just... " She sighs. "Please, babe, let's just go home. "

"Toni, you're trembling. What is happening? " Cheryl holds her hands. "What you fools have done to her? " She accuses them in an angry voice.

"Jeez, we didn't do anything. " Sweet Pea disclaims. "Come on, Toni, we didn't mean to piss you off. "

"But you did, Sweet Pea. I'm leaving. "

And then Toni marches off in fury and frustration, not even remembering to drag her girlfriend with her, throwing herself into the red convertible and snarling with herself.

"For the last time, what you fools have done to her? " Cheryl approaches, folding her arms, looking at each of them in disgust.

"I said we did nothing to her. " Sweet Pea repeats.

"Everyone was talking about you. " Archie confess, guilty in his eyes, even though he didn't say anything bad about her. "And Toni didn't like it. I'm sorry, Cheryl. We're sorry. "

"Save your sorries. " She refuses, even knowing Archie is probably the most innocent of all, whatever they've said. "If any of you upset my girlfriend again, I swear I'll give you sterner reasons to gossip about me. "

She doesn't wait for an answer, feeling guilty for a second by ignoring Josie's gentle call and suddenly feeling confused, wondering what they were saying for Toni to be so upset. But she doesn't care about them. She just cares about Toni. Immediately she let go, getting into the car to find her shrunk, breathing loudly.

"TT... " She whispers, caressing the back of her neck. "It's fine. Everything is fine. "

"No, it's not. They were... " She finally looks at her, sorrow in the depths of her beautiful eyes. Cheryl hates to see it.

"I don't care about them. " She reaffirms. "What they think changes nothing. At least... I hope it doesn't. " She doesn't know where this insecurity comes from, but when Toni sinks into the seat and doesn't respond, she begins to drive toward Thistlehouse with overflowing thoughts about the context of the conflict at Pop's, wondering if anyone finally got into Toni's head and made her understand how Cheryl really is. Who she really is. And that she isn't worthy of Toni.

When they arrive, Cheryl rushes out of the car, the same thoughts still tormenting her, afraid of what Toni has to say.  But before she go upstairs to hide in the comfort of her bedroom, Toni reaches out to her, holding her face and kissing her deeply and passionately, a sigh escaping between the redhead's lips, her hands warm on Toni's restless heart.

They move away just for a moment, still too close, eyes barely opening to stare at each other. "What was that for? " Cheryl whispers, stunned.

"This was because I love you, Cheryl. And what people say will never change anything. Okay? "

Cheryl nods, sighing. “Good. “

 

Although they have spent the rest of the day baking, laughing and dancing, although they have abandoned their clothes on a trail on the way upstairs and made love against the bedroom door, nothing is okay for Toni and she can't sleep. She watches the redhead's peaceful sleep, as she seems serene and peacified, perhaps dreaming about a world less terrifying than what they're now living.

Leaving Pop's, she was furious. She wanted to kick their asses, wanted to call them hypocrites and say they were being unfair. Reflective, now she's just confused. She didn't lie to Cheryl when she said their words didn't change anything, because they don't, because she loves Cheryl. Cheryl is the greatest love she has ever known. But some of these words were etched into her like a hot iron stain or a burned scratch, troubling her, testing her.

_The Blossom family. Would go crazy too._

_Someone so different..._

_She can be nice when she wants to._

_A master at causing trouble._

_She is no angel._

_It's hard to get close enough to Cheryl to like her, even more so to love her..._

_Pure living chaos._

_Hard to deal with._

Pretty hard to deal with.

The confrontation was not only caught with untruths. She knows how Cheryl can cause chaos. She knows better than any of them how it was for the redhead to grow up in that family. She knows it can be complex to approach her.

She knows Cheryl is hard to deal with.

But the way they talked about her, the way they compared them both, as if Cheryl was not worthy of her, as if Toni was too good for her, made Toni mad with anger.

No one can talk about Cheryl like that because no one sees her as Toni can see.

 

In the next days, Toni avoids them all.

She can hear them in the hallways the whole time, though.

"I'm so sorry to ignore you, Josie. I was so worried about my TT... "

"I'm the one who should apologize, Cheryl. I shouldn't have let them go so far with the nudges. You know we all adore you, don't you?"

Does she? Toni thinks about it.

"So... We're good? " Archie asks timidly.

"Of course we are. " Cheryl gives the best smile she can, but Toni is not buying it. " And you two let others know that Toni will return. Her heart is too benevolent not to forgive them. "

And so do the others who continue to chase after her trying to redeem themselves.

One by one.

"Cheryl is our friend, Toni, you know that... " Veronica sighs. "How long are you going to hold this? "

She can hold this for a long time. They have no idea.

"Come on, Tiny, I miss you... " Fangs whines.

Of course she miss her friends too. Because she is Toni Topaz and she is a constant and loyal friend and care too much about the ones around her.

"We said we're sorry, Toni, come on... " Sweet Pea rolls his eyes, frustrated.

That’s the problem. She knows they’re not. They said what they wanted about Cheryl and they thought there were be no consequences. They messed up with the girl she loves.

"Is she okay? " Kevin is the only one who asks. The only one for which she gives an answer

"I think so. " She sighs. "Cheryl can be... " And then she stops, loathing to remember what they said.

"Hard to deal. " He smiles, kindly rubbing her shoulder. "I know. And that's okay. "

She can't avoid smile him back.

Cheryl tries to get her back to them, she insists she isn’t hurt, she promises everything is fine. And when she's almost there, she makes the mistake of telling her that push people away and lock them out is something she does, not Toni. She makes the mistake of telling her that Toni is loved by everyone and she shouldn't lose her friends for something this foolish.

And the way she says it, as if she agrees with them, as if she didn't feel worthy to be with Toni, just like the others, makes Toni sick and wounded.

She picks up the motorcycle and drives aimlessly through the streets of Riverdale. She does not understand why she can't let go. What is hurting her more is the question that those idiots have raised inside her head: What makes her love Cheryl Blossom this much?

Because that's exactly what this is, it's too much. It turns her world upside down how much she loves this girl. Again, Cheryl is in fact so hard to deal with. From the first time Toni dared to lay her eyes on her she knew she would be hard to deal with. And yet she plunged whole into the red crazy world of Cheryl Blossom.

She wants to protect her from everything and everyone. She wants to help her ease her chaos. She wants Cheryl to be happy regardless of her traumas, her loneliness, her sorrow, regardless of the horrors she continues to experience, regardless of Toni herself.

She wonders if she would love her this much if she were easier to deal with. Not because Cheryl is a challenge, it's not a game for her, it never was. It's because Cheryl being hard to deal with, though many traumas are debris on the way, it's also a trace of what makes her who she is.

 _"Not today, Cha-Cha. I was born for this moment. "_ How bold and arrogant she is, at the same time so deliciously bossy.

 _"Everyone thinks I'm this loveless monster... "_ How frail and frightened she was, repressed by a hideous mother, drowning in her squalor prison, but at the same sounding so puerile and kind, moving Toni in a way she was never moved before.

 _"For the record, j'adore your flannel mesh aesthetic. "_ How amusing and superficial she could sound talking in such a far-fetched and seductive way.

 _"Full disclosure? I didn't want to invite all the girls tonight. But i knew my hideous mother would never allow me to invite just you. Which is... What I craved... "_ How afraid of rejection she was that nigh, but at the same time she dared to confess, she opened her heart again and made Toni's runs so fast. The night they almost kissed.

 _"You did? "_ How relieved and surprised she was when Toni came to save her from Quiet Mercy, and it broken Toni's heart she sounded so incredulous. How to kiss her settled everything inside Toni.

 _"I thought I heard an angel singing... "_ God, how she could be so charming and affectionate even after facing her mother bathed in blood.

 _"Untie her, you serpent hag. "_ How she can sound so furious and protective, making Toni feel that she too would always fight to protect her too.

How she sang to her in the bleachers, as if Toni was holding the stars in the sky for her. How she took care of Toni after the seizures and asked in the most sweet and lovely way that she moved to Thistlehouse. How she said she loves her. How she tried to fix her mistakes and said Toni is the most important person in her life. How attentive and categorical she was, always so unique, always so astonishing.

How crazy she makes Toni when she smiles. How angry Toni goes when she creates chaos, but not because she despises it, it's because she is always so worried about her. She doesn't want Cheryl to get hurt, never again.

And all the fights and tears and how she feels now that they will always find their way back to each other.

She is always so unpredictable, for the better and for the worse. She has been so damaged for so long and can be so egocentric and stubborn sometimes. But she's so brilliant and fierce and can be so selfless and gentle when she is willing to.

And then she thinks about the ones who were talking about this marvelous girl she loves.

Veronica is easy to deal with if you ignore her ever-fanciful plans. She is brave and she loves to dance and she's an amazing dancer.

Josie is simple. She is generous and it should be wonderful to have someone like her sing for you. Her only problem is her inability to maintain a relationship because of the Music.

She knows she would never fall in love with Betty, but even the girl next door is easier to deal with. She likes mysteries and snuggling. Sometimes she gets dark, but it's easy to see it coming.

She and Jughead had a moment and she knows he can be very docile and easy to convince, although he can be very dramatic when he wants.

Archie seems the easiest to deal with. He is kind and friendly and absolutely loyal. A little impulsive of the sort that gets him in too much trouble, but still.

Kevin is also easy to deal with. He just wants to be seen, heard, desired. He wants connection. He wants freedom. It's easy to understand.

Reggie sounds like one of the simplest guys in the world. He likes football, cars and forbidden teenage games. Easy to deal with.

Sweet Pea is a bit of a hardhead. He is very proud and protective. But in essence it's a simple guy, playful and always ready for a fight. The formula is simple. Easy to deal with.

And when it comes to Fangs, Toni thinks no one is easier to deal with than he is.

They are all easier to deal with than Cheryl. They are less overwhelmed. They are all less chaotic. They are all simpler. And in the end, none of them is Cheryl Blossom.

None of them have her fire, her passion, her will. None of them have her resistance, her courage. And maybe none of them could cross everything she went through and move on. None of them and no one else in the world makes Toni feel more alive than she ever felt.

 

She is pulled out of her reveries when the notification beeps on her cell phone.

Kevin Keller. "Meet me at Pop's. "

She takes a deep breath, guessing what the invitation is about. But maybe Cheryl is right. She can't run away forever and she still doesn't know what it will feel like to talk to her friends again, but she will figure it out and she will not stifle herself by defending the girl she loves.

As expected, there they are at Pop's, lined up like a bunch of children about to be scolded, downcast and silent. Including, surprisingly, Archie and Josie.

"Toni...! " Fangs rejoices to see her.

"Hey. " She responds a little sheepishly. "Why did you call me here, Keller? "

"First of all, thanks for coming, Toni. " He smiles. "I know you must think I called you for apologies, but this isn't for us. This is for you. You need to talk about this. And you know Cheryl agrees. So please, Toni, talk. Everyone is here to listening. "

Toni feels her stomach wrap and she doesn't know why. She is surprised and dizzy and suddenly it's like the whole world falls on her shoulders, as if she hasn't reached yet full consciousness of what she was feeling after they have said those things about Cheryl and now this truth strikes her with a violent force. Her hands are shaking, her head are spinning and her heart are racing.

"Toni...? " Kevin tries to approach, worried.

"You... " She gasps, unexpected tears rolling on her face. "You guys can't do that. None of you had the right to say those things about her. None. " A sob escapes with the last word. She walks away and in circles, she covers her trembling lips with her hand, trying to avoid facing them. "She has been through so much... I know her traumas don’t justify the way she acts sometimes, but she was completely alone when I found her. She helped all of you at some point, she risked her life for some of you, but none of you stayed. None of you! " The ripped scream almost makes them retreat when she clenches her fists in fury.

"Toni... " Veronica's voice cracks.

"You guys don't get it. " Toni moves her hands as if she squeezes something, not bothering to stop the tears flow. "I love that girl so much it hurts. Even a single thought of her being hurt again breaks my heart. And the way you were talking about her... "

"Toni, I swear we didn't want... " Sweet Pea manifests to calm her.

"I don't care about what you wanted! " She explodes again. "I won't let you or anyone else talk about her like that again! You have no right! You guys don't even know her! I do! I stayed for her and only for her! "

"We know that. " Fangs whispers. "We know how she's important to you. "

At this point, Fangs, Veronica and Betty have tears in their eyes, Josie is staring at the white ceiling and none of the others dares look at her.

“She can be hard to deal, but she... “ Toni takes a deep breath, her eyes suddenly widen. "S-she's not... " She stutters. "Fuck... She's not a loveless monster... "

"Toni? Hey, Toni! " Kevin runs to her when she stumbles, hugging her tight. "Hey, that's okay. Everything is okay. I promise. "

"I know she's hard to deal with, but she's not a bad person, she's not crazy, she's not pure living chaos!  " She wraps her arms around Kevin's sweater, crying on his shoulder. "And I know her behavior is not just a personality trait, I know she's damaged and she needs help, but she's not... She's my girl... My Cheryl Bombshell... " She is tripping, projecting, hyperventilating. "I just want her to be Happy and you guys just... "

She never teared like this in front of them except Fangs and Sweet Pea. It all struck her without warning or clemency and she hurt with the need to see her redhead's beautiful smile now.

Kevin leaves for Fangs to replace him in the embrace, Toni immediately leaning on her friend. Sweet Pea comes on the back and involves them both, sighing with shame. Veronica's hand grips Toni firmly and she is finally crying. Reggie looks as embarrassed as Sweet Pea and Archie and Josie are hugging each other in silence. Jughead sighs deeply, remembering what he himself said about Cheryl with Betty clinging to him on the verge of tears.

“I’m sorry, Toni. We’re really sorry. “ Sweet Pea talks for him and Fangs.

“My bad, Topaz. “ Reggie shrugs.

"Sorry we let it happened, Toni. We should have protected our friend. " Josie follows, Archie nodding with her.

"Sorry, Toni. We didn't want to hurt any of you two. Never. " Betty seems the most confused to herself, Toni's words rumbling inside her.

"It was horrible things to say. I can see it now. " Jughead frowns. "I'm sorry, Toni. "

Veronica looks deep into her eyes. "I'm sorry, Toni. I apologize to you both. Please. "

Toni can’t give them anything more than an anguished sigh.

 

Archie, Jughead and Betty provide hamburgers and fries while the others sit down. No one else dared utter another word, all of them lost in what just happened. Fangs and Sweet Pea, overwhelmed, go out to smoke a cigarette, Reggie sits on the sidewalk alone and Kevin and Veronica have Toni among them, caressing her shoulders and her hair.

"You guys think she’s going to be okay?" Toni suddenly whispers to them.

"Cheryl? " Kevin frowns. "Our HBIC? Of course she will be okay! " He tries to ease the mood.

"She's strong. " Veronica smiles. "And. Stubborn. And irreducible. She'll be okay. "

"I know she did some bad things. "

"Toni... You don't have to... " Kevin tries to spare her.

"Please. " She closes her eyes. "I kow she did some bad things. I know she insulted many people. I know she creates chaos. I know everything she did, from Thornhill to Josie. But all the other good things she's done, the versions of herself that she holds just for me, she can be so good, she’s so good...  "

"We know. " Veronica kisses her forehead. "We know she is. “

“And she has you, right?  “ Kevin reforces with a huge smile. “She going to be okay. And so are you. Trust me. “

 

Toni leaves them at dusk with no promises. They're her friends, and she knows it's all going to go back to normal, but she also knows she'll freak out if someone says those things about Cheryl again. It's a dangerous territory and she just expects everyone to play well.

Now she just wants to go home. Doubts are still there, she wonders if her reaction was exaggerated, she wonders if what hurt her most is to know that some of those words were true, she's afraid Cheryl will discover some of those terrible things they said.

On her way to Thistlehouse, the wind on her face, the thought of a redhead probably baking, reading or paiting, waiting for her, to lay into her arms, kiss her and make her feel like she's the most precious person in the entire world, she begins to understand and slow down.

Love is not always easy to deal with.

And perhaps the most priceless love happens to be the hardest.

Cheryl is that. She’s the hardest. And she makes Toni's heart blows up and regenerate just by looking at her. She's everything, moving Toni like a wrathful red ocean of immeasurable strength. And she wouldn't change it for the world.

She arrives at the Thistlehouse and the room light radiates out the window. She waits just for a moment, just to think of her one more time before finding her. She leaves her helmet and jacket at the foyer and runs upstairs as if she hasn't seen her in a long time. She just saw her this morning morning, practicing archery as a virtuous nymph of a legendary romance.

And there she is.

Wearing an old sweater, her legs bare and bent on the bed with a book on her thighs, her eyes focused on the story. But she doesn't miss when Toni arrives. She never misses it.

"TT... " She smiles, burning everything around. "You're home. "

"I am, babe. " Toni sits on the bed, right next to her, caressing her fingers on the book.

"How was it? Are you feeling alright? Should I chase and punish them with my bow? "

"I think we're going to be okay. " Toni laughs.

"Good. " Her smile turns gentle and devout, her hands reaching her face. "As long as you're happy, mon petit amour. "

"I'm happy to be here with you. " She smiles, feeling goofy. "No matter what's happening, I'm awalys happy to be with you. "

"Thank you. " Cheryl confess. "Thank you for stand up for me, fight for me, even when I don't deserve it. You are the greatest treasure of this twisted insane world and I'm happy you're here with me. "

"You're worthy of every fight, Bombshell. "

As if they were overflowing with affection and desire, they both lean and meet, Toni's hands holding her face, one of Cheryl's hands caressing her waist and the other sliding into her hair, their lips too eager plunging one over the other. The redhead maneuvers and lays her on the bed, leaning back to kiss her and hold her face as if she holds a jewel. When their lungs cry out for air, they move away just enough to look at each other.

Toni dives into her eyes. "I love you, Cheryl. More than you'll ever know. "

"Oh, I know. " Cheryl provokes, bitting her red lip. "I'm Cheryl Blossom. Why wouldn't you? " She finishes arching her eyebrows, a presumptuous smile from ear to ear.

"You... " Toni's eyes widen. "You just... I'll show you, Blossom! "

She twists their bodies to leave Cheryl trapped beneath her, attacking the redhead with endless tickles and kisses on the neck. And when Cheryl laughs purely from the heart, something she doesn't do so often, Toni knows she could stay like this forever.

They stop when Cheryl is breathless, her hair messy on her face, Toni picking up each red strand to look at her, her finger tracing the pale skin, the fleshy lips, the sweet pointed nose, finally resting on her flushed cheek.

"I love you too, ma chérie. " The redhead whispers. "Maybe too much. And yet... Never enough. “

Toni lies down to bring her into her arms, her head snug on her neck, her fingers on her hair. That's how she sleeps and breathe calmly and Toni finds herself unable to fall asleep again.

She just wants to look at her a little bit more.

_Cheryl Marjorie Blossom._

The girl who turns her world upside down.

 

So hard to deal with...

But so easy to love...

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Oh, there is a light that never goes out... ♪
> 
> Find me on twitter: @dokkstormur. 
> 
> See you guys soon. :)


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